Monday, July 19, 2010


*catches breath*
Anyway, I'm warning you right now: this post is going to be about everything and nothing. I've always wanted to write a post about nothing. Why? I haven't a clue.
The title is a phrase that the main character in Om Shanti Om says when he's acting as Mohabbath Man! I like that phrase. OOLIBABA! Mohabbath Man says it when he wants to fly, but I think it would be useful for awkward silences.

Or maybe it would just cause more silence...what exactly can you say in response to "Oolibaba"?
I remembered two more truths that I could have posted on my "Lies and Propaganda" post. Except I forgot one of them. Oh well.
1. When I was little, I was only punished once with a time-out, and that time-out was a failure. Why? Because time-outs are supposed to make you feel miserable and bored out of your mind, but I, being the clever person that I am, grabbed a book first and then went to my room. Needless to say, I was the opposite of bored.

I saw a spider in my bathroom the other day. I opened the door to let it out. Usually, I'd trap it in a cup and release it after I was done taking a bath/doing my business, but usually I'd forget to release it and let it starve to death. Poor spiders.
After reading Blue Jasmine by Kashmira Sheth (my sister checked the book out, but I wanted to read it, so I did), I realized how weird it is that something (symbols, colors, etc.) can mean one thing in one country, but can mean a completely different thing in another country. Take, for instance, the color red. Over here, red is...just a color, really. It was my fifth grade teacher's oldest daughter's favorite color, so she wrote some names down in red. (I think she was just writing everyone's name down. This was a few years before I was in fifth grade, so I don't really know [or remember] the details.) Then someone cried and said, "Why are you wishing me death?" Apparently, in some Asian culture (I forgot which), if you write someone's name in red, you are wishing them death.
The example used in Blue Jasmine was the swastika. In India, the swastika is used for good wishes and good fortune. But everywhere else in the world, it is the abhorred symbol of Nazism.
Speaking of Indian stuff, one of my favorite Indian movies is 3 Idiots. It is HILARIOUS! And I love how, when the "idiots" (who aren't really idiots) are performing the first ever "vacuum-cleaner birth" (they were trying to extract a baby [the principal's grandchild] when the mother got tired through a modified vacuum-cleaner) and end up with a stillborn, the baby comes back to life when one of the "idiots" says the phrase, "Aal izz well." If that really does work, then that would eliminate infant mortality! So then, mothers in poor countries wouldn't have to have more babies, and that would reduce the population! But then again, that doesn't make sense because more babies will survive, so...huh. This isn't as simple as I thought.
There have been so many earthquakes this year! Today (July 7) at 4:54 PM (Pacific Standard Time) there was a 5.7 magnitude earthquake. SCARY. The big one might hit. Four years ago, when I was in sixth grade, my teacher said we were overdue for an earthquake. Of course that night, I freaked out, and then later I forgot about it. But now, the fear of an earthquake has reemerged. WHAT IF???
Time for a change of subject! I decided to depict Zella's quite frightening transformation from a "twenty year old nerd" into a "raving granny brandishing her cane like a weapon."

Frightening, is it not?

And here is another random picture!
What is it? At first glance, it looks like a picture of any baby with...uh, UNUSUALLY long hair, but then you notice the cane. And the strands of gray hair. What kind of baby is this? Is this a baby? Is the picture supposed to represent second childhood? How, as children, we wanted to always become older, but now, we want to become younger? Or does it represent how I sometimes feel really old and sometimes really young? (Hint: The last one is correct.)
TTFN! Tata for now!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Weekly Illustrated Story #1: The Intelligent Dragon and the Greedy Knight

Every fairy tale involving knights, dragons, and princesses depicts knights as chivalrous and noble and dragons as mindless man-eating machines, and it always ends with the knight slaying the dragon and rescuing the princess. But that wasn't always the case. Sometimes, the noble knights didn't win. But, more importantly, not all dragons were evil, and not all knights were good. Sometimes, a knight was just in the business for the fame and glory, and they confronted dragons who were only being nice to everyone around them. Those greedy knights did win sometimes, unfortunately, but other times, the dragon won. These instances either were forgotten or, if the knight won, were twisted to praise the knight and vilify the dragon. Here is one of those tales that was simply forgotten with time:
Once upon a time, there was a very kind dragon named Scintelinineyinoruwa Newoaldroskadni the Third, called Science Nerdess for short, because she was outstanding at science. That nickname wasn't short enough for some people (read: dragons, phoenixes, elves and other mythological beings), so she was sometimes called "Science", "Nerdess", "Science Nerd" and, by mean dragons (or phoenixes, or elves...), "The Nerd", with a sneer and followed by a snicker. These mean people were very few, though.
Science Nerdess helped everyone, including humans. She would play with the nearby town's children (she loved kids), helped the sick and the elderly, and used her science skills to serve as the local doctor. And all this was for free! She got her own food, which consisted of chicken, fish, and rarely sheep, if they were given to her as a gift. She never ate humans. When she was trying to stop a thief, she had accidentally bitten him. He tasted DISGUSTING. She'd heard that humans in general tasted really bad. She wondered where humans got the idea that dragons craved human meat. Perhaps they just wished they tasted that good.
She woke up one day to the cries of "HELP! SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP!!!" Science Nerdess flew outside her cave and saw a bird stuck in a tree. The bird saw her, too, and panicked.
(Yes, I know I suck at drawing dragons. The wing looks funny.)
Science Nerdess then saved the bird and said, "You're free now. You can go!" The bird sighed and looked at Science Nerdess, lachrymosely (SAT word! KA-BAM!). "I have no family. And I don't have a home."
"You can live with me!" exclaimed Science Nerdess. "My cave isn't great, but it protects me from the elements."
"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" exclaimed the bird, as she darted into the cave. "Oh, where are my manners?! I didn't even introduce myself. I'm Feathers. What's your name?"
"I'm Science Nerdess."
"That's an...interesting name..."
"Oh, it's just my nickname! My real name is super long."
"That's the case with my name, too!"
Suddenly, Science Nerdess noticed a problem. "When I'm sleeping, I may squish you..."
"Oh, right! I think I ought to reveal my true form." Feathers then disappeared behind smoke and reappeared as a phoenix!
"Whoa..." exclaimed Science Nerdess. "That was so cool! Now I won't squish you in my sleep!"
"Hooray!" yelled Feathers. "I feel so powerless as a tiny bird. In this form, I wouldn't get stuck in any tree!"
"You'd probably crush it, instead!" giggled Science Nerdess.
"Hey! You would, too!" complained Feathers.
"We're the Tree Crushers!"
"It's not good to crush trees, though."
"That's true. So for the sake of all trees, let's not sit on them!"
"I don't like it when people cut them down, though."
"Me, neither."
Meanwhile, far away from the cave but in the same town, there lived a coffin maker (see what I did there???) named Scott. No one liked Scott very much. Coffin makers are to be avoided, after all, since they deal with dead people. What a horrid job for anyone to choose to do! Scott's business was lucrative, though, because people in this kingdom lived like medieval people, so they were unhygienic. But this time of prosperity for Scott was soon to end. 
That night, just as Science Nerdess was going to sleep in her cave, she heard a scuffling of feet. Feathers whispered, "Is someone in here?" 
"I don't know...but I heard scuffling of feet!" whispered Science Nerdess. Suddenly, she heard someone exclaim, "Witch hunts? PUH-LEASE. Those  are so 1693!"
Science Nerdess lit a torch to see. And she saw...
A witch! The witch said, surprised, "Oh! I didn't realize there were residents in this cave. I just really need to hide from stupid townsfolk who think all witches are bad. I'm not bad! I could never hurt anyone!"
"That's great!" exclaimed Science Nerdess. "I'm Science Nerdess. And I am okay with you living here, as long as it's okay with Feathers."
"I'm perfectly fine with that!" said Feathers. "This cave is big enough to house 100 people!"
"Thank you!" exclaimed the witch. "My name is Zella."
And now, thanks to the addition of Feathers and Zella, the nearby town prospered. Feathers healed people's wounds, and Zella cast a spell that eradicated death due to disease or old age from the whole town, and all were happy.
Except for Scott.
Thanks to Zella's spell and Science Nerdess's and Feather's medical clinic, there were no more dead people. No more dead people meant no more coffins were needed, and because no more coffins were needed, Scott the coffin maker lost business. He was sad. But more importantly, he was enraged. He wanted money. So he called the most boring servant of his over.

(By the way, that thing on Scott's shirt under "I love" [yes, that red thing is a heart] is a coffin.)
Now, Norm's family would have to pay for his coffin, and because Scott was the only coffin maker in town, they would have to buy from him. He claimed that Norm died by falling off a cliff, and he charged the family a lot, and included a "convenience fee" of $100. This money satisfied him for a while. But later, he wanted more money, so he killed off all his servants and gave false excuses for their deaths. 
But after that, no more people died. And he had no servants, anymore! So he went to City Hall and asked the mayor what was going on. The mayor said, "The dragon Science Nerdess and the phoenix Feathers have helped our townspeople by healing their wounds and running a health clinic, and the wonderful witch Zella put a spell on us that eliminates death by disease or old age!"
Scott was even angrier. How dare they rob him of his business! He then decided to see the king, but it was a long way away from his house, so he rode his talking horse named Amarantha. When he reached the king's castle, he lied to the king, "There are an evil dragon, phoenix, and witch who are threatening the townsfolk of Towncity!"
The king was shocked. "Oh no! Could you slay the dragon, capture the phoenix to be sold to a zoo, and imprison the witch? I will knight you, and you will get rewards!"
Scott grinned. Everything was working according to his plan. "Of course, your majesty!"
"I hereby dub you Sir Scott," declared the king. And Scott was off on his talking horse named Amarantha.
Amarantha had heard everything that Scott said to the king and knew they were dirty lies. "Master Scott, why did you lie to the king? The dragon, the phoenix, and the witch did nothing but good for the town!"
"They didn't do good for everyone, though. They made my lose money!" exclaimed Scott.
"You are so selfish! I am ashamed that you are my master!" Then Amarantha threw Scott off and galloped toward Science Nerdess's cave.
When she arrived at the cave, Science Nerdess and Feathers were playing tic-tac-toe, and Zella was looking over her book of spells. Amarantha said, "Hey, guys! I have to warn you of something important! Something bad!"
This caught everyone's attention. "What's the matter?" asked Science Nerdess.
"What happened?" asked Feathers.
"My master, Scott, does not like how you've eliminated death from disease or old age because it's causing him to lose business! He is a coffin maker, after all. So he's gotten permission from the king--by lying to him, of course--to kill you"--Amarantha pointed at Science Nerdess--"to imprison you"--she pointed at Zella--"and capture you"--she pointed at Feathers--"to be sold to a zoo!"
"That's terrible!" exclaimed Science Nerdess.
"I agree!" said Feathers. "Why can't he just get another job?"
"I don't know," said Amarantha.
"Darn witch-hunts," muttered Zella.
"You guys have to do something!" exclaimed Amarantha. Science Nerdess thought about the situation. What could she do? There was a knight crazed with greed after could she win? She had to protect her friends and herself! Plus the knight would bring death back to the town, and she couldn't have that! She'd have to fight. She hated that, but it was the only way.
Scott arrived, out of breath. And then, the fight began.
(Okay I don't really know what Feathers is doing in the first picture. Striking an epic pose? Perhaps. And the background is gray because they're in a CAVE!)

(That grayish thing under Science Nerdess's tail is Scott. And Feathers has a bottle of Phoenix Tears.)
The battle remained a draw, and Science Nerdess was unsure of what to do. Zella tried casting spells, but Scott yanked her wand out of her hands. Plus, Scott's shield deflected dragon fire. Feathers spontaneously combusted, like how phoenixes do. That fire burned Scott's arm armor...and his arm. It also burned a little bit of his hat, which upset him greatly. Amarantha bit Scott's arm. Suddenly, Science Nerdess had an idea. She scrambled into her science lab and experimented with chemicals. She then came out with a bag of gold.
"Aha! I knew you were hiding gold somewhere!" exclaimed Scott. "But I still have yet to slay you!" He grabbed the gold.
"Science, where did you get the gold from? And why did you get it?" asked Feathers. "This will arouse more suspicion--" She was cut off by the sound of an explosion. Pieces of Scott flew everywhere. "That 'gold bag' was a bomb," explained Science Nerdess.
"Looks like he won't have a decent burial," said Zella. Amarantha sighed. "Are you sad that he won't get a decent burial?" asked Zella.
"No, no, I couldn't care less about that," said Amarantha. "I just...don't have a home anymore."
"You can live with us!" said Science Nerdess. "If that's okay with Zella and Feathers." Zella and Feathers gave their consent, and they all lived happily ever after.
Thank you, Feathers, Zella, Amarantha, and Scott for being in my story!
So, what did you guys think? I know Scott is a bit one-dimensional, but that's how many fairy tales treat their villains anyway, I think...
Any ideas for my next WIS? I really don't have any ideas for it right now!