Okay, fine, you probably weren't waiting for that, but just play along!
1) FALSE!!! I was only suspected of being a murderer by my English teacher. My AP Human Geography teacher just recommended that I see a psychiatrist.
That's not much better.
I'M NOT CRAZY!!! I'M PERFECTLY AND COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!
Well, not completely normal. I am a bit eccentric. But I'm not crazy enough to harm people!
By the way, I did have a pet leaf. What? Stop looking at me like that! She was so soft! I had to keep her! She was a silverleaf, by the way. I got her when I was helping to decorate my city's Rose Parade Float. I was supposed to glue silverleaves....somewhere on the float. But I couldn't glue Leafy! And yesterday, at Relay for Life [a very meaningful and fun event, by the way], I got a pet cup! But I lost it.
This is what happens when you prohibit your child from getting real, actual pets.
2) FALSE!!! I was (am still am) terrified of heights. I'd never have wanted to fly.
I was an easily frightened child. Did I ever mention that I was also terrified of short people? I don't know why, but I always used to cry when I played with short people. They could also boss me around easily. But then again, I was (and still am, sadly) a pushover, so anyone could boss me around. I guess the only bossy people I knew were short people. How odd.
3) FALSO!!! Thank God.
4) I bet you all were cracking up when you saw this "lie/truth." How could part of me be something that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST?! And who ever heard of a ninja dragon-lion-dog? This is obviously FALSE, right?
Actually, it's not that simple.
Of course it's not true LITERALLY, but it's true figuratively. Before you try and tar and feather me and yell, "If something is true figuratively, IT'S NOT REALLY TRUE!!!" let me explain my reasoning. And if something is true figuratively, IT IS SO TRUE!
First, let us consider the zodiac.
- I am a Leo, which is a lion. Hence, my being part lion.
- I was born in the year of the dog. Hence, my being part dog.
- My class's (the class of 2012) mascot is the dragon. The purple and silver dragon, to be precise, since purple and silver are our class colors. Hence, my being part dragon.
5) TRUE!!! During a dinner party, people were remarking on how sad it was that I was mentally retarded and couldn't talk. Then, I suddenly screamed my nursery rhymes! That shut them up. Then, I showed my smartness to all even more. And now, they're expecting me to get into Harvard easily. That's a problem...quite a problem.
6) TRUE!!! My latest rant was at my printer, which can't even carry out its purpose in life: to print stuff! Sure, it could scan things, but it couldn't PRINT STUFF! I was enraged.
7) FALSE!!! In fact, I have never had a sugar rush. Ever.
8) FALSE!!! I can say "Hello" in NINE languages:
Oh, what the heck. All of you can get some, too. Scott just gets more.
But WAIT!!! I have an announcement!!!
I'm going to start posting Weekly Illustrated Stories on this blog! YAY! I already know what I'm going to write for the first WIS. Here is the first paragraph:
Every fairy tale involving knights, dragons, and princesses depicts knights as chivalrous and noble and dragons as mindless man-eating machines, and it always ends with the knight slaying the dragon and rescuing the princess. But that wasn't always the case. Sometimes, the noble knights didn't win. But, more importantly, not all dragons were evil, and not all knights were good. Sometimes, a knight was just in the business for the fame and glory, and they confronted dragons who were only being nice to everyone around them. Those greedy knights did win sometimes, unfortunately, but other times, the dragon won. These instances either were forgotten or, if the knight won, were twisted to praise the knight and vilify the dragon. Here is one of those tales that was simply forgotten with time:What do you guys think? Plus, some of you guys will be included in my story. But I need an evil knight. I don't like to make someone the villain without their permission.