The Execution of a Water Balloon (or two or three)

Once again, I have failed to update my blog in so long! *insert huge and lengthy apologies here* I have a bit of time on my hands, so here's a post for you guys! 


A few weeks ago, my sister was trying to blow up balloons and asked me to help. I used to be able to blow a balloon last year, but for some reason, I just couldn't do it! I didn't puff my cheeks and I tried to blow into it like I would play a licorice stick because to play a licorice stick, you cannot puff your cheeks. It didn't work, despite all the air we blew and all the times we stretched them. Stupid balloons just don't cooperate. I'd like to think that we got the "mean kind," but of course, that's an immature. Balloons can't be mean! The ones we got, though, defied that rule, obviously. Or it could possibly be because I didn't blow them quite right...oh, balderdash! Nonsense, I say!

So my sister decided that we should make water balloons. I agreed because making a water balloon was easy enough...or so I thought. 

My sister first attempted to fill the balloon up with water while I watched. Water splashed out of the balloon more often than stayed in, so I came and helped my sister with the formation of the water balloon.

(Yes, I know the perspective is REALLY off, but...look at the toilet! It looks awesome, doesn't it?)

(The blue stuff on the floor are bathroom mats.)

(BTW, I've exaggerated the height difference between me and my sister. She's only an inch shorter than me...)

The plan was brilliant, the execution poor. Right after I turned on the faucet, the force of the water pushed the balloon off the faucet and into the sink, letting no water inside the balloon but plenty of water over it. 

But we did not let this setback stop us in our valiant quest for water balloons. I cleverly noticed that if I held the balloon onto the faucet (if that makes sense), then the balloon probably would not fall off. Once again, the plan was brilliant, but its execution was poor. Water spattered out of the balloon into the air and onto our faces.

So we tried yet again, this time with me holding the water balloon tightly onto the faucet with both hands and my sister turning the faucet on. No water splattered out, and my sister tied the balloon closed.  

We had created a water balloon! We smiled proudly at our creation.

[Look, ma! Hand(s)! Real, actual hand(s)!]

With a heavy heart, I brought the scissors from the kitchen. My sister sliced the balloon open right under the knot, but didn't manage to slice it all the way through, so, instead of flattening quickly, the balloon died slowly. And the death was beautiful.

 My sister and I were amazed at the fountain that we had "created" by destroying our balloon. We found this sufficiently entertaining, so we created another water balloon to destroy with the scissors. I wonder if rats raised to be dissected feel like they're just being born to be destroyed by those who raised them and then picked apart at the hands of staring and giggling fourteen-year-olds...not that I'd ever want dissecting to be banned or anything. No! Of course not. 

Am I a horrible person for actually liking to dissect rats? 

Anyway, we took an orange balloon this time, filled it up with water, and cut it, but we cut it at a different place than we did the other balloon, so the water shot straight up rather than in a graceful arc. 

Executing these balloons had actually been super entertaining. Were we monsters for enjoying these deaths of innocents so much? Maybe, but that mattered not. What mattered was that it was FUN!

Before you all start freaking out on me, let me assure you that I have never even been in the possession of scissors while in the same room as a balloon since that day. Never!

But you never know. When I get the chance, I just may go and execute empty water balloons of their water...creatively!

WIS #3 PART ONE: A Coffin Maker's Tale

Hello all! Yeah, I couldn't think of a good title for this one, hence the weird title that ended up being the title. I think it was because of the heat. I didn't need a fan before because the summer weather was awesome! But now[at the time I thought up the title], the weather decided to turn up the heat. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH, DANGIT! I SHOULD GET SOME NICE WEATHER...BUT NOOOO. IT'S SO UNFAIR!
*cough* Speaking of unfair things, I have to memorize all the presidents and I'll get tested on them on the first day of school! Having tests on the first day of school is an unspeakable crime (or it should be)! And--I'm done being querulous. Sorry about that. *grins sheepishly*
Now, onto what's going on now, in September, as opposed to August when I wrote the other paragraphs of the intro: School has started. It has started. And I am a junior. A JUNIOR!!! I am anticipating a lot of work and a lot of stress this year. Heck, it's only been two days into the school year and I'm feeling the stress (sort of)! I am worried about this year because of my AP classes, AP US History most of all (if A's start at 85%, the class has to be hard; why else would the requirement for an A be so low?! Plus, I think I failed the President's Test...) and...well, it's junior year!!! Junior year is stressful! So, why am I saying all of this? Um, to be honest, I don't really know...Oh, right! I'm going to be updating less often than usual (or what was supposed to be usual). I'll try to update once a week, but I really don't know if I can.
And, oh gosh, it's been FOREVER since I last updated. So, to get something posted, I'll post a part of my WIS. YES, IT'S TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO DO SO LITTLE! SOWWY! So, onto the next WIS (er, part of one, anyway)!
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"We have been deceived."
Science Nerdess, Feathers, Amarantha, Zella, Ellie, Emily, and Hannah looked up at the source of the voice. It was the great goddess Scadoosh, the goddess of white magic who had rewarded them for helping Ellie by allowing her to exact her revenge on her alleged murderer (emphasis on "alleged"), Scott.
"What do you mean?" asked Amarantha.
"In my avid support of Ellie and her daughters, I have failed to do what is most important in evaluating a crime: asking the accused for their story! It is most terrible that I have accused Scott of doing a crime he may not have committed!"
"But he did kill her!" exclaimed Emily.
"I was stabbed in the back of my neck," mused Ellie.
"But how can we hear Scott's story?!" asked Feathers. "He's gone, now."
"That's simple enough," said a familiar voice.
"SCOTT?" gasped the cave inhabitants.
"Yes, it's me. Uh, should I start telling my side of the situation now?" he asked Scadoosh. She nodded. "Just go ahead," she said.
"Okay, here goes..."
...
Rewind to three years ago.
Scott was suffering financially. Not enough people were dying, and since he was a coffin maker, this hurt his business. He was relatively well off, but he wanted more. Money was his second love. He would have married it, too, if his first love hadn't entered his life. More on that later.

(The green rectangle on Scott's shirt is a dollar bill. It could be a one dollar bill or a hundred dollar bill--who knows?)

Ever since Scott was a little boy, he had realized the power of money. With money he could buy toys, games, books, DVDs, video games, popularity, votes, and overall power. He could run for president and have an advantage if he could buy more advertisements to sway the ingenuous public. All throughout elementary school, he had learned that "Sharing is caring" and "Love makes the world go 'round." Ha! Stuff and nonsense. Sure, sharing was okay, but he didn't benefit from it, so why bother? And wasn't sharing Communism? And Communism is bad! So, sharing is bad! And love making the world go 'round was just wishful thinking by poor people. 

Money continued being his primary love in his life...until he met Ellie. It wasn't a tale of "love at first sight" (that type of love Scott found superficial) but rather "love through multiple meetings." The "meetings" were classes at high school. (Everyone was only high school educated in the kingdom.) She had ended up being his lab partner in science class. At first, he had been annoyed by her good-ness, but later he loved it. She didn't love him back, though.

(The dark and black and thick arrow stabbing Scott shows that Ellie's words stabbed Scott's heart.)

But Scott refused to give up.  And finally they got married. But he knew Ellie didn't love him...but he still loved her. And money. But mostly Ellie.

Soon, they had one lovely daughter and another on the way. One day, Emily stayed at home because she was sick and Ellie sat and read a book on the couch. Scott was making coffins outside. Suddenly, he heard strange noises upstairs.

Scott quickly rushed upstairs to comfort his ailing daughter. (He did have fatherly instincts.) But when he reached her room, she was silent. I guess she's okay, thought Scott. So he went downstairs. But what he saw shocked him beyond belief...

(Ellie is sitting on the couch, being stabbed BY HER OWN DAUGHTER. Yikes!)

Scott tried to stop her, but it was too late. When Emily saw him, she fled, and Ellie had already died. Scott's feeling of shock soon wore off and was replaced by anger. He wanted revenge. 

Scott prepared soup for Emily, but mixed in a, eherm, special ingredient. "Rat poison. It kills rats, so it should work on Emily," snorted Scott. Then he fed her the soup, and Emily died.
Scott gave Ellie a decent burial. He made the best coffin he had ever made, and he didn't charge her parents anything, though they did pay him for making such an ornate coffin, even though he had politely refused. After the burial of Ellie (and the cremation of Emily), everything seemed to have returned to normal. But Scott had changed into a bitter man.
...
Back to the present.
"That's...terrible!" gasped Science Nerdess. "How could Emily do such a thing?"
"I know!" exclaimed Amarantha. "That...there aren't words to describe this...event!" Everyone spoke at once, except Ellie, Hannah and Emily.
"Mom, you don't...believe him, do you? How could I ever do such a thing?" said Emily, laughing nervously.
"I don't know, Emily, I just don't know..." sighed Ellie. "Was this story validated, Goddess Scadoosh?"
"Yes, it was, by the Great Goddess of Wisdom, Sheilsophinacaneia. She's the one who noted that I never considered Scott's story, and, after hearing his story, confirmed that it was true."
Everyone stared at Emily, and Emily started to get nervous. "Well...well...um..." Then, she turned to Ellie. "But, Mom, I--"
"You have lost the right to call me that anymore!" snapped Ellie.
Then Emily lost it. "Okay, fine! You've won this battle; I admit it! I killed my mother! But it was to get rid of my father, and we all know he's evil! So, if he got pinned for murdering his wife, he'd be thrown in jail and--aw, forget it. You guys wouldn't understand."
"You're right. We don't," said Feathers.
"But you'll lose in the long run!" And, with that, Emily threw a pouch at Scadoosh, and the pouch turned into a cage that the Great Goddess could not get out of. Everyone gasped.
"You never did anything to my father!" yelled Emily, accusingly. "So, I have given my loyalty to someone else now!"
"Anilokalmosia?!" gasped Scadoosh, reading off of a cage bar. "The Goddess of Seduction and Evil Music?"
"Yes! At least she'll do something about my father!" And Emily disappeared.
"We have to help you!" exclaimed Feathers. "Where does Anilo stay, anyway?"
"Hang on, there...this cage is made of metal. But Anilo isn't in charge of metal, at least according to the religious books," said Zella.
"Jenisifiodincneiwa! The goddess of war and death! But if Anilo and Jenisify are allying, then..." Scadoosh trailed off, but everyone knew what she was suggesting.
"We have to do something," said Science Nerdess. "Do you know where Anilo might be?"
"Well, I have a slightly outdated map," said Scadoosh, handing a yellowed map. "Gods and goddesses aren't allowed to really keep tabs on where other gods and goddesses are at, but this map should give a general idea of where Anilo lives..."
"We'll take that," said Ellie. "And thank you, Scadoosh, for supporting us. I'm so glad I have the opportunity to repay you!"
"Oh, you don't have to--" Scadoosh was interrupted by Hannah. "Yes, we do! You did so much fow us, Gweat Goddess!"
Scadoosh smiled. "You're adorable, Hannah, you know that? So, if you guys really want to do this, you should be off about now, I think!"
And so the group set off. They encountered Maddie and Priya, the elves from Renadiyet, and told them everything. The elf-children agreed to join them on their mission to rescue a goddess and punish Emily for not only killing her mother, but also incriminating her father.
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So, what do you guys think? Stay tuned for the next part!