Hello all! Holy moley, it's been over a year and a half since I've published any new posts on this blog! I'm sure at this point all of my regular readers have quit reading my blog, not that I'd really blame you guys. Anyway, this new blog post doesn't indicate any sort of promise for regular updates from now on, unfortunately. This doesn't mean I won't try, but that darn school's always getting in the way! Speaking of school, college has been intense and crazy but still somehow fun. Finals are coming up, unfortunately...
So why am I randomly updating my blog now, after one and a half years of inactivity? Well, it started when I decided I wanted a new avatar for my Tumblr, but I couldn't think of what I wanted. I really wanted to draw something. So I looked through some of my old profile pictures for inspiration, and I saw this:
"See that armored woman over there?" asked Anita. "That's Jenisifiodincneiwa--Jennifer for short--and she's the Goddess of War. She's working with Annie, which doesn't mean good things!"
So why am I randomly updating my blog now, after one and a half years of inactivity? Well, it started when I decided I wanted a new avatar for my Tumblr, but I couldn't think of what I wanted. I really wanted to draw something. So I looked through some of my old profile pictures for inspiration, and I saw this:
(Remember this and the post this was from?)
Then suddenly, INSPIRATION! I thought to myself: why not make a better version of this and make that my profile picture? So, I opened Paint and started drawing. I was a bit out of practice, so at first, my attempts were not good, but I finally ended up with a satisfactory picture:
(New and improved!)
Granted, I did get a few details wrong (I forgot the tongue sticking out, and wrote "BONK" instead of "boink"), but I was impressed with how much nicer it looked. But drawing this picture made me realize how much I missed drawing with Paint and making posts on my blog. I really wanted to update my blog now, but I didn't have any ideas! But then suddenly, I thought of something amazing...
(My hair has gotten longer since I last blogged. Not that long, though, because I got a haircut between then and now.)
For those of you who don't recall what a WIS is, it's a series of stories that I've had going on for a while. These stories are accompanied by illustrated drawings on Paint by yours truly. WIS stands for "Weekly Illustrated Stories," but let's be honest, a more accurate name would be "Whenever-the-hell-I-have-time Illustrated Stories." But that doesn't roll off the tongue very easily.
The WISes were actually intended to be standalone stories when I first conceptualized them, but somehow, I ended up making every subsequent WIS a sequel of the previous one. So, to be able to fully understand what's happening in this WIS, you should go back and read all of the previous WISes. The links to them are under the section to the right of this post titled "Weekly Illustrated Stories," and they look like this:
(I find it amusing that the later WISes tend to have lengthier titles.)
Go ahead. This post will still be here when you're done.
Now that you're done, or now that you still remember the details of the current plotline, we can carry on! Here's WIS#3.4. Happy reading, and I hope you enjoy it!
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While a certain dragon, phoenix, witch, talking horse, pair of ghosts, and pair of elves were desperately thinking of ways to escape the Goddess of War's zombie slaves, out in the sea near the coast of the island upon which Anilokalmosia's lair was located, Scott and Anita stared bemusedly at the brown-skinned girl in the fishing boat.
"What do you mean, 'for now'?" asked Scott. Jessica opened her mouth to speak, but Anita cut in, saying, "Oh, let me guess. You can't be any less cryptic because of the rules of the gods or whatever, right?"
"Hey, no need for that tone!" said Jessica. "The rules are legit, I swear. And I honestly can't do anything about them! Something about being too overpowered or something, I dunno."
"Come on!" begged Anita. "Can't you at least give us some more hints? Like how long 'for now' means?"
Jessica sighed. "Look, I wish I could. I really wish I could give you more hints. But I can't! Don't you see?"
"No, I don't! I don't understand your stupid rules at all!" screamed Anita. "I just want to help save Scadoosh! Is that so wrong? And besides, don't you good gods care that Anilokalmosia has Scadoosh held hostage? Shouldn't you care? She's one of you, for the love of everything! Shouldn't you be able to suspend those rules when there's a situation like that?"
"Of course we care!" said Jessica. "I want to help save Scadoosh, too! But the rules can't be suspended. Otherwise, gods could abuse the system and find loopholes that would let them suspend the rules any time they want!"
(I attempted to actually make Jessica look chubbier here. I don't know if I succeeded...)
"Your rules have brought me nothing but trouble and misery and pain!" said Anita.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Scott. "Anita, I don't know about you, but I really don't think it's a good idea to insult a god, considering all the things she could do to us!"
"Whatever," said Anita. "She couldn't make my life any more hellish than it already has been. I say bring it on!"
Scott rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you could handle any god's punishment, but I sure as heck couldn't! Cool it with the angsting!" exclaimed Scott. Anita ignored Scott, choosing instead to glare at Jessica.
"As much as I understand your anger, Anita," said Jessica, "I only have so much patience. But I'm curious. You don't seem to care for any of the gods - "
"Damn right I don't," said Anita.
"So why do you care so much about helping the others? They don't even trust you!"
"It's not for them!" said Anita. "It's for Scadoosh. She's the only one of you gods who I can actually trust and now she's going to die, and it'll all be your fault!"
"I thought you said you didn't care about any of the gods," said Scott.
"I didn't say it. She did." Anita pointed to Jessica.
"Okay, fine," said Scott. "Jessica said it. Who cares. But why do you care about Scadoosh in particular?"
Anita sighed. "Because...well, she trusted me," she said. "After I managed to get back onto the side of good again after succumbing to my 'destiny,' I was homeless and alone. I couldn't live with the other evil Cursed Ones on the side of Anilokalmosia, my parents sure as hell wouldn't take me back in...I had nowhere to turn to. No one raised a finger to help...no one except Scadoosh. She helped me." She turned to glare at Jessica again. "But if Annie has her way, Scadoosh won't be helping anyone anymore!"
"I thought I asked you to cool it with the angsting, not to pile the angst on!" Scott sighed.
"Scadoosh is a very caring and open-minded goddess," agreed Jessica. "She's actually one of my best friends! I want nothing more than to see her be safe, but at the same time, I cannot break the rules. I get that it's incredibly inconvenient, and believe me, I would love to tell you exactly what to do and when to go, but just work with me here!"
Anita still glared, but then sighed deeply. "Alright. Bestow upon us your cryptic hints," she said.
"Your friends have found themselves in a bit of a situation," Jessica said. "The key to saving them is within you." She looked pointedly at Anita. "Take this map." Jessica produced a map for them out of thin air. "Now go! Save Scadoosh!" And with that, she vanished.
"Wow, gods sure do have ninja-like abilities," Scott said.
"What did she mean by 'a bit of a situation'?" muttered Anita.
"Does it really matter? We know it definitely means good things are not happening at the moment!" said Scott. "Now help me row this thing to shore!"
When they made it to shore, Scott said, "Who knows how much time you wasted with your whole fuss about the gods' rules! If you hadn't wasted so much time arguing, we might have found out that the others were in trouble sooner!"
"I'm sorry, okay!" said Anita. "I just got so mad!"
Scott sighed. "Whatever. Now let's use this map to try and get to the lair--Hey, where are you going? You don't have the map, I do!"
"I know the way there," said Anita. "Just follow me and hurry up!"
"How?"
"I had to go there multiple times when I was evil...just follow me!"
***
Anita and Scott snuck into the lair. "Huh, that's odd," whispered Anita.
"What is?" asked Scott. "This lair is exactly how I would expect it to be: spikes, river of blood, gigantic green monsters..."
"Yeah, that's just it," said Anita. "Annie usually has an illusion spell on her lair so it looks different, kind of heavenly, actually. So I'm a little confused."
"Eh," said Scott. "Let's try and find the others." He started moving out from behind the giant spike he and Anita were hiding behind.
"Wait!" Anita whispered, a bit too loudly for her liking. "What are you trying to do, get us exposed? We have to sneak up on them, stupid!"
"Right. I forgot." Scott then disappeared.
"Where'd you go?"
"I'm still here, just invisible. That's a thing we ghosts can do, you know."
"Oh, right."
The pair quickly and quietly made their way over to where the others were, and they found them all tied up, hanging from a sickly greenish colored tree.
(Everyone else is tied up there, too, but I could only show Science Nerdess, Feathers, and Amarantha.)
"How'd she manage to tie Ellie and Hannah up, too?" asked Anita. "They're ghosts!"
"Well, she's a goddess. She can do anything," said Scott.
The two then noticed zombies patrolling the tree. "Zombies?" exclaimed Scott. "What the heck?"
"Zombies?" murmured Anita. "But Annie doesn't do the whole zombie slave thing! That's all...Jennifer..." She trailed off as she noticed a muscular woman covered with blood-splattered armor talking to the Goddess of Seduction and Deception. "What? They're working together? Oh, this is not good, this is not good at all!"
"Who's working together? Please let me in on your inner monologues!"
"See that armored woman over there?" asked Anita. "That's Jenisifiodincneiwa--Jennifer for short--and she's the Goddess of War. She's working with Annie, which doesn't mean good things!"
"How do you know she's working with Annie? Maybe she's only considering it, and that's why she's talking to her."
"Because those zombie slaves belong to her, and they're guarding the others!"
"Oh, shoot...that's bad."
"That's what I've been saying!" Anita tapped her chin. "What to do, what to do..."
"We could use Jessica's hint," noted Scott.
"What, that the key lies within us? Oh, that's real helpful."
"No, that the key lies within you. She was looked right at you when she said that."
"Still unhelpful."
Scott mulled over their situation. "So we're basically going against two goddesses...gee whiz. One goddess was bad enough. If only there was some weakness we could exploit...but they're goddesses! What weakness could they--"
"Scott, you're a genius!" said Anita.
"I am? I mean, of course I am! Heh," Scott smiled. "But what genius thing did I do?"
"I have an idea. But I'm gonna need your help. Can you get a giant magnifying glass, a guinea pig, and a knife?"
"Um, yeah, but...why?"
"You'll see," said Anita, knowingly. "We'll rescue Scadoosh yet."
"Waiiiit, a guinea pig and a knife? You're not gonna be sacrificing the guinea pig or --"
"What? NO! Don't be ridiculous! Besides, if I was going to do that, what would I need a magnifying glass for?"
"To...I dunno...torture it? I used to use magnifying glasses to torture ants all the time when I was a kid."
Anita smacked her forehead. "Just get the stuff."
"Alright." With that, Scott vanished, leaving Anita to observe and eavesdrop on the others.
"These ropes are so uncomfortable!" whined Feathers.
"All the blood rushing to my head makes me feel slightly dizzy," noted Zella. "And my hat is gone!"
"Tying us up was bad enough!" said Priya. "They didn't have to hang us upside down, too!"
"Well, at least they didn't actually torture us, like they said they would?" said Amarantha.
"Not yet, anyway," muttered Ellie.
Science Nerdess's eyes suddenly lit up. "Why didn't I think of this before? Maybe I could..." She trailed off, and then started twitching.
"Ummm...Science? What are you doing?" asked Feathers.
"This is strange...I can't seem to turn into a lizard...or any other reptile for that matter!" gasped Science Nerdess.
"Gyah! Where'd you come from?" exclaimed Zella.
"And what's with the calling us mortals? There are literally only three of us who are mortals!" exclaimed Amarantha.
"WHO CA--wait, only three?" asked Annie. "Impossible. I don't believe you."
"She's not lying," said Science Nerdess. "I mean, I'm immortal..."
"So'm I," said Feathers.
"Me, too," said Amarantha. "I'm a friggin' unicorn, for the love of everything!"
"Hannah and I are already dead," said Ellie. "Maybe we don't count as immortal. But we're not mortals anymore. Plus you can't kill us anymore. And I guess, since our bodies are dead and buried, we're the 'immortal souls' of our bodies? So maybe we're immortal? In a way?"
"Who knows?" said Priya. "Ghosts are confusing."
"So that leaves me, Priya, and Zella as the only mortals," said Maddie. "Yep, she wasn't lying. Only three!"
"Huh. Scadoosh has been handing out immortality like candy hasn't she," mused Annie. "Me-dammit! [Annie is a god, so instead of "Goddammit," she says "Me-dammit." Geddit? Eheheheheheh....] 'Foolish mortals' just has such a nice ring to it, you know." She looked at them expectantly, as if waiting for them to agree with what she said. After getting no response, she continued. "Meh, whatever. I wish I could rob you all of your immortality, but alas, I cannot!"
"Why are you in your child disguise anyway?" interrupted Priya. "We already know who you are. You aren't exactly being subtle. In fact, you're being super duper evil. And that much evil coming from a little girl's body is a liiiiittle creepy."
"That's the point!" screamed Annie. "I love the creepy child effect. It's quite amusing, seeing people's reactions to it. Anyway, where was I? Ahh, yes! This rope nullifies any magical abilities you may have, so no shrinking into tinier critters for you two," she squeezed both Science Nerdess's and Feathers's cheeks with her hands, "and no magic spells for you!" She pointed at Zella.
"Dangit!" said Zella.
"Yes...ruined your escape plans, did I?" Annie chuckled evilly. "Of course I did. You aren't going anywhere." And with a final evil Mwahahahahahaha!, Annie vanished.
Back behind the spike that Anita was hiding behind, just after Annie vanished, Scott appeared. "I have all the stuff," he whispered.
"Awesome," said Anita. "Hand me the giant magnifying glass."
"What are you going to use this for anyway?" asked Scott, as he handed it over.
"Well, the thing about being Cursed is, you get some power of the god you're named after. Same goes for the Blessed," said Anita. "I can hypnotize people. But since I don't have her actual Chosen Mortal Name, just a name that's close, my hypnotism isn't that strong. So I'm gonna use the magnifying glass to amplify my hypnotizing abilities to hypnotize the zombies and get them to leave, so that you can free the others by cutting the rope with the knife. Oh, and by the way, I tend to faint after hypnotizing people."
"Huh, that's...wait, you faint?" gasped Scott. "How will I know the rest of the plan?"
"Oh, right, that was stupid of me," said Anita. She whispered her plan to Scott.
"And are you sure that's going to work?"
"Yep! Well, pretty sure. At least, I hope it'll work," Anita said, smiling nervously. Scott looked at her doubtfully. "Look, it's our best bet. Let's go through with it and see what happens," said Anita, annoyed.
"Alright, alright," said Scott. Anita snuck over to a large spike in front of the zombies and checked to make sure the top wasn't too sharp. She beckoned Scott over. "Hold this up for me," she said, handing him the giant magnifying glass. Scott complied, and Anita climbed up the spike and stood, balanced precariously on it.
The others looked up at what was going on with mild concern. "Oh, shoot, what's she doing here?" gasped Priya. "I thought Scott was watching her!"
"Well, you can ask Scott, since he's over there with her," said Ellie.
"Oh no, I bet she manipulated him into taking her here! Now we're all doomed!" exclaimed Maddie.
"Yeah, because we weren't screwed before?" said Zella.
"Well now we're even worse off!" said Priya. "She's going to make sure we're killed! Or worse!"
Anita fought the urge to roll her eyes at their paranoia and mistrust. "For Scadoosh, for Scadoosh," she muttered under her breath. She noticed the zombies watching her with interest, or at least, with interest for zombies.She grabbed the magnifying glass from Scott. "Go tell them to look away!" she said.
Scott flew over to the tied up group. "You guys, look away for a few seconds," he said.
"Uh-huh, like we're gonna do that!" said Maddie. "I know what you all are up to."
"Yeah, you're gonna try and pull something on us!" said Priya. "Well, it's not happening! We're watching you like a hawk!"
"Goddammit, you guys, do you need to make this so difficult?!" exclaimed Scott. "If you don't want to be hypnotized, look away!" Everyone except for Maddie and Priya complied, so Scott pulled their hands out of the rope and covered their eyes.
Anita concentrated through the magnifying glass on the zombies. As she did this, she felt her eyes start to burn. The zombies started staring at her even more slack-jawed than usual. Good, it's working, thought Anita. She then took a deep breath and said, "Zombies,--you--will--leave--this--place--and--stop--guard--ing--these--peo--ple." Towards the end of the sentence, she started feeling dizzy and then fell. Scott zoomed over to catch her, and the zombies left. He then zoomed back over to the others and cut the rope.
As soon as they were set free, they started stretching out. "Ooh, that feels so much better!" said Science Nerdess. "Those ropes chafed!"
"Wait, she was hypnotizing the zombies?" asked Feathers. "But why...I thought she was evil?"
"Well, she's clearly not!" said Scott. "But there's not time to talk about this now! Annie and Jennifer will be here any minute!"
Just after he said it, Jennifer and Annie appeared, and they did not look happy. "Time to begin Phase 2," he gulped. "Anita, this had better work!" Anita, however, did not reply, since she was unconscious.
"What is the meaning of this?" exclaimed Jennifer. "Who dared think they could command my zombie slaves?"
"It's no matter," said Annie, still in her child form. "They'll still never rescue Scadoosh. They don't even know where the key to her cage is. Or even where she is!"
"True," said Scott. "But I get the feeling you'll tell me."
"What? Don't be ridiculous, you fool!" said Annie. "Why would I--"
"Not you, her!" Scott pointed at Jennifer.
"And why would I do that?" said Jennifer.
"Because if you don't," Scott threatened, "I'll kill this guinea pig!" He took the guinea pig and the knife out of his pockets.
"What the heck, Scott, are you insane?!" exclaimed Amarantha.
"You can't kill that poor guinea pig!" yelled Science Nerdess. "That threat's not going to work on them, are you crazy?"
"Shush!" yelled Scott. "Where was I? Oh yes. Oh Jenisifiodincneiwa, if you do not reveal Scadoosh's and the key's location, this guinea pig will be next soul in your underworld!"
Annie laughed. "Is that all? You'll kill the guinea pig? Why on earth do you think we'd care about some stupid little rodent? How silly is that? Wouldn't you agree, Jen?" She turned to Jennifer, only to find the color flushed out of her face.
"Y-you wouldn't dare..." stammered Jennifer.
"I wouldn't?" asked Scott. "Try me." He brought the knife closer to the guinea pig's neck, eliciting gasps from the former captives and the Goddess of War. "Jen, you aren't seriously concerned about the guinea pig, are you--" asked Annie, before getting cut off.
"No, no! Fine! I'll tell you!" said Jennifer. "Just don't kill that guinea pig!" Scott moved the knife away from the animals neck and looked at Jennifer expectantly. Jennifer snapped her fingers, and a cave rose from the ground some distance away. "She's in there," said Jennifer. She then took a key from a pocket in her armor, and handed it to Scott. "And here's the key. Now hand over the guinea pig." Scott gave her the guinea pig, and she started nuzzling and caressing it. "Aw, you poow widduw thing! You didn't get hurt too bad, did you?"
"Jen, I can't believe you! You're so...so weak! Relenting for that stupid guinea pig!" yelled Annie.
"You're calling me weak?" yelled Jennifer. "That's it, this alliance is through! Have fun trying to conquer the universe on your own!" Jennifer spat at Annie, and then disappeared.
"RUN!" screamed Scott. "And someone grab Anita!" Science Nerdess carried Anita on her back and everyone ran toward the cave.
"Not so fast, you little mongrels!" yelled Annie. "You're not getting away so quickly!" Annie then grew to her godly form and size and tried to grab the group. Science Nerdess, however, blew ice and then fire onto her hand, causing her to yowl with pain. "Climb on, you guys!" she yelled. Zella, Priya, and Maddie climbed onto her back, and Science Nerdess and everyone else flew towards the cave.
Annie hissed and growled. She then tried to grab at Scott, but Scott flew through her hand. (Because, you know, he's a ghost.) But in all the excitement, he fumbled with the key and let go of it!
"The key!" Scott yelled, as Annie grabbed it. Zella then, without a moment's hesitation, grabbed her wand and zapped Annie's hand, causing her to shriek in pain. Feathers then morphed into a falcon and swooped over to catch the key. She then threw it to Ellie, who sped quickly ahead toward the cave. "Faster everyone, FASTER!" yelled Feathers. Annie grabbed at Ellie, but then Zella zapped her hand, again, Science Nerdess blew fire at her other hand, and Feathers flapped her wings in Annie's face to distract her. Annie batted the phoenix and the dragon away, and tried to grab Ellie again, only for Amarantha to stab Annie's rear end with her horn.
"YOWWWWW!" screamed Annie. As she rubbed her rear end, Ellie entered the cave. She easily found Scadoosh's cave and unlocked the door. "Ellie!" exclaimed Scadoosh. "You saved me!"
"Not yet!" said Ellie. "Quick, you need to teleport us out of here!"
"Um...there's a bit of a problem with that..." said Scadoosh. "I've been in this lair for a long time. I don't have the divine strength to do that anymore!"
"Wait...does this mean you're...mortal?!" gasped Ellie.
"No! Not yet, anyway!" said Scadoosh. "But we have to get out of here!" The two ran outside the cave. Science Nerdess, Feathers, and Zella were all trying to distract Annie, but Annie noticed Scadoosh. "NO! My plans are ruined!" she screamed. Suddenly, determination made its way into her eyes. "Not if I can help it!" she said, as she grabbed Scadoosh.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone screamed.
Feathers and Science Nerdess tried to pull Scadoosh out of Annie's grasp, but they were unsuccessful in their attempts. Suddenly, Priya yelled, "Zella! Do you know any teleportation spells at all?"
Zella pondered this. "I don't know...wait!" Zella searched through her spell book.
"Zella, we don't have all day!" yelled Ellie.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, just let me--aha!" Zella pointed to a spell in her spell book. She then raised her wand. "Let all except the Goddess of Seduction be transported from this place of deception!" With a wave of her wand, Annie's lair disappeared and Science Nerdess's cave appeared around them.
"Thank you all so very much!" said Scadoosh. "I would reward you all, but I need to rest so that I can regain my divine energy."
"Oh, don't thank us," said Science Nerdess. "Thank Scott. It was his idea that got us your location and key."
"It wasn't my idea," said Scott. "It was Anita's." Everyone turned to look at the unconscious, bespectacled girl on Science Nerdess's back.
"Well, I can't say that I'm surprised," said Scadoosh. "Anita is a very resourceful girl."
"Wait, you know her?" gasped Priya.
"Yes, I do," said Scadoosh. "She's really a sweet person. It's just too bad that she had the misfortune of being Cursed."
As if on cue, Anita moaned and rubbed her eyes. "Wha...what happened?" she mumbled.
Priya walked over to the awakening girl. "Hey, Anita," she said. "Thanks for saving us...and I'm sorry for doubting you. I just thought..." She sighed. "Who cares what I thought. I was stupid not to trust you. I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for turning everyone against you."
Anita smiled. "It's okay," she said. "So everyone is okay?"
Everyone said some affirmative response.
"So what are we going to do about Emily?" asked Scott. "She's the one who started this whole mess!"
"I will dispel her ectoplasmic form as soon as I recover," said Scadoosh. "I wish I could do it now, but--"
Suddenly, a flash of light blinded everyone. When everyone could open their eyes, they saw Jessica, in her godly form, in front of them. Everyone except Scadoosh started bowing, but Jessica said, "No need for that! Now, I hear there's a ghost that needs to be disposed of?"
Jessica took care of Emily, and then took Scadoosh to her godly habitat to rest up and regain her strength faster. Priya and Maddie also had to leave to go back to Renadiyet.
Anita sighed. "I guess this means I have to go back, too, don't I?" she asked.
"We'll miss you," said Feathers. "But I'm sure your parents will be worried sick if you don't go back soon."
"My parents? Worried about me?" Anita laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. They kicked me out of the house years ago."
"What?" gasped Amarantha. "Does this mean you don't have a home?"
"Nope," said Anita.
"Well, there's plenty of room in this cave," said Science Nerdess. "It's not fancy, but--"
"Wait, really?" Anita said. "Thank you! Yes! I'll gladly stay!"
And so, Science Nerdess, Feathers, Zella, Amarantha, Scott, Ellie, Hannah, and Anita all lived happily ever after in that cave.
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Yes! I did it! This WIS is finally over! Thank you all for reading! I'd also like to thank Feathers, Scott, Zella, Amarantha, Priya, Maddie, Ellie, Hannah, Emily, Anita and Bruce for being in this story!
So, what did you all think? Good? Okay? Too horrible for words? Comment away!
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